You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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