The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
