I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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