She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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