i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
