once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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