I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Do vagina's smell?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
