I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
