Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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