You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
God, I missed his penis.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
