I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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