I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
