I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
