If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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