He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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