and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
