How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
