A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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