Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
