Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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