i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
