dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
