apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
