she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
