i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
