girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
