so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
