Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
