we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
