my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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