sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
