I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
