it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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