Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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