Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
