Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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