Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
