I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I will pee on everything he values.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
