Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
how does that bad decision feel?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize