So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
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At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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