I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's Friday. Sex?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
