my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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