It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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