i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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