it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
