Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
kristin has been a bad kristin
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
