you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
