cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
