just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
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Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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