Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
