Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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