I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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