And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
