Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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