her vagina looked like bernie madoff
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
They took my balls.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
