She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize