Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
