my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
