I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
