I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
