I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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