He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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